Not to decide is to decide

So said my housemaster when I was in school. We'd been plucked out of religion class, as happened the odd time, and sent up to his room, there to be told such things as how we're the cream, and shouldn't allow ourselves to go sour, or just not to waste our time on trivia.

I've been thinking about that a bit today, in between marking and returning essays. It's been a long day, and isn't over yet. I've decided that this essay malarkey may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. It's certainly giving me an appetite to get back to my research! Tomorrow, so, and then five days of frenzied work before returning to Manchester one last time this year.

Don't get me wrong. Despite hardly any sleep, an irregular breakfast, some deep uncertainty, and far too much work, the day hasn't been all bad.

I've been paid, for starters. And I didn't have to cycle through this morning's hurricane. And I received a lovely letter, and had a couple of much needed hugs, and talked to some good people. And in an hour or so I'm going to meet up with one or two friends who I've not met in over five years.

So it's okay.

Thanks for asking.

Well, Really

'It's ridiculous,' commented the good doctor when I spoke to him last night

What? Well, at five past five yesterday afternoon I had a visitor on the site. Now generally, I like visitors. They're good to have. Friends, regular readers who've never met, people chancing upon the blog seeking terms of intoxication or whatever - all these are good things. But people who just check up on me? People who scour the site looking for things to hold against me? No, I don't like that. Unwanted attention, I'd consider that, the sort of thing that certain universities deem harassment in the policies they supposedly follow.

So yeah, 17:05 yesterday afternoon, I get a visitor. From the Bibliotheque Nationale de France, no less. Someone doing research, you might think? No, don't be silly, obviously someone skiving. After all, who doing legitimate research at the French National Library, on computer athena3.bnf.fr with an IP address of 194.199.4.103 if you're interested, would seriously be interested in doing a Yahoo search for 'gregorian ranting'?

I think someone needs to get a life. And to stop spying on mine. Their attention - if it's who I think it is* - isn't wanted. And that's for the record.

_____________________________________________________________________________

* I might be wrong, and if you feel a bit upset by this, wondering what you can possibly have done to have offended me, just e-mail me. I'm often contrite, and rarely bite.

Classical Jokes, no. 694

I suppose you know the real reason Hannibal took the elephants with him over the Alps? It was a long march from Spain to Italy, and of course he had huge logistics and supply problems. Elephants can carry an enormous amount on their backs, which meant that he didn't have to worry so much about maintaining a long and vulnerable supply line while in enemy territory. So his overall objective was - to maintain the elephant of supplies.

Yes, again, that's one of Doc Martin's. But I'm proliferating it, so I guess I'm just as bad. And when I tell it, I drag it out rather more, and refer to Livy, Polybius, and incidents with ravines and Alpine tribes. I like to have Hannibal losing the elephant of supplies. Hey, it could be worse. I could be telling you about Tom's limericks.

Actually, that's an idea...

In other news, and before I resume my duties, I can't believe it took me two months to notice that the BBC article headed Beauty of Swedish model disputed was about politics rather than a contentious heir to the throne of - say - Britt Ekland or Izabella Scorupco. But then, I've been busy.

Cheers, Big Ears!

- Kieran, I think you'll find that last statement was a bit on the oxymoronical side.

- Ah now, Greg, I don't want to be misconstrued.

- And who would she be then, Kieran?

- Jayz lads, yiz are all fierce witty here tonight.

- Are you joking me? Sure if he could hear us, Oscar Wilde'd be turning in his grave.

- Sorry, but do you have any I.D.?

- Waddya mean? I'm twenny-tree!

- Sorry, but I still need to see some I.D.

- Here. This is disgraceful, I'm bleedin' twenny-tree!

- That's grand, thanks. Look, if it makes any difference, I was being regularly asked for I.D. till I was twenty five.

- Really?

- Absolutely, I'm older than I look.

- Oh. Well, that's okay then... and I spose tha' means tha' when we're about fifty we'll be goin' out wi' birds tha' are only thirty!

- What, you mean the ones that are now two? Get outta here, ya sicko!

- Just that please.

- Six Heineken... €10.14. Good year. Unless you're a Viking, I guess.

- Wha'?

- Sorry, Battle of Clontarf. School history revisited. You can't say you don't learn things here.

- Oh right. I just thought you said something else for a minute...

- What're yeh listening to?

- Um, the soundtrack to 'Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street'

- It sounds a bit mad, now.

- No, it's good. Where else will you get songs about murder, rape, incest, cannibalism, and self-flagellation, all with cracking one-liners thrown in...

- Rather you than me.

- Is that not wreckin' yer head?

- No, I really like it. Not everyone's thing, but I like it.

- Jayz... d'ya have any Smirnoff Ice?

- Are they making you listen to that?

- Um, no. It's my own CD. Mind, I'm thinking of switching it off now. It seems to be alarming people.

- I was trying to complement a friend of mine on having a top like yours the other day. Rather botched the attempt, mind.

- Oh?

- Yeah, I started with 'I like your-' and then petered out, fumbling through cardigan and jumper, eventually settling on 'top'. I was told that 'wrap-around cardy' would have done.

- Oh is that what it's called?

- So I'm told, by a woman I trust. It's a bit of a mouthful really. I'm tempted to stick to 'top'. Yours is lovely, by the way.

- Oh, thank you!

- Well Greg, says Kieran, shaking his head and grinning.

- What?

- You're unbelievable.

- It was a nice top.

- You made her night anyway. That smile won't be fading anytime soon.

- Well, all part of the service, Kieran. People don't just come here for the drink, you know. They come in, buy their drink, have a bit of banter, enjoy themselves, and then come back. It's a win-win situation.

- Yes, that's our speciality. In Dundrum they need fountains to draw the crouds.

- Anyway, I like redheads.