Cheers, Big Ears!

- Kieran, I think you'll find that last statement was a bit on the oxymoronical side.

- Ah now, Greg, I don't want to be misconstrued.

- And who would she be then, Kieran?

- Jayz lads, yiz are all fierce witty here tonight.

- Are you joking me? Sure if he could hear us, Oscar Wilde'd be turning in his grave.

- Sorry, but do you have any I.D.?

- Waddya mean? I'm twenny-tree!

- Sorry, but I still need to see some I.D.

- Here. This is disgraceful, I'm bleedin' twenny-tree!

- That's grand, thanks. Look, if it makes any difference, I was being regularly asked for I.D. till I was twenty five.

- Really?

- Absolutely, I'm older than I look.

- Oh. Well, that's okay then... and I spose tha' means tha' when we're about fifty we'll be goin' out wi' birds tha' are only thirty!

- What, you mean the ones that are now two? Get outta here, ya sicko!

- Just that please.

- Six Heineken... €10.14. Good year. Unless you're a Viking, I guess.

- Wha'?

- Sorry, Battle of Clontarf. School history revisited. You can't say you don't learn things here.

- Oh right. I just thought you said something else for a minute...

- What're yeh listening to?

- Um, the soundtrack to 'Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street'

- It sounds a bit mad, now.

- No, it's good. Where else will you get songs about murder, rape, incest, cannibalism, and self-flagellation, all with cracking one-liners thrown in...

- Rather you than me.

- Is that not wreckin' yer head?

- No, I really like it. Not everyone's thing, but I like it.

- Jayz... d'ya have any Smirnoff Ice?

- Are they making you listen to that?

- Um, no. It's my own CD. Mind, I'm thinking of switching it off now. It seems to be alarming people.

- I was trying to complement a friend of mine on having a top like yours the other day. Rather botched the attempt, mind.

- Oh?

- Yeah, I started with 'I like your-' and then petered out, fumbling through cardigan and jumper, eventually settling on 'top'. I was told that 'wrap-around cardy' would have done.

- Oh is that what it's called?

- So I'm told, by a woman I trust. It's a bit of a mouthful really. I'm tempted to stick to 'top'. Yours is lovely, by the way.

- Oh, thank you!

- Well Greg, says Kieran, shaking his head and grinning.

- What?

- You're unbelievable.

- It was a nice top.

- You made her night anyway. That smile won't be fading anytime soon.

- Well, all part of the service, Kieran. People don't just come here for the drink, you know. They come in, buy their drink, have a bit of banter, enjoy themselves, and then come back. It's a win-win situation.

- Yes, that's our speciality. In Dundrum they need fountains to draw the crouds.

- Anyway, I like redheads.