Glad to see the Drunken Thesaurus is getting a response. Between Ann Marie's 'nished as a pewt', Holly's 'pickled', Erin's 'two sheets to the wind', and my recollection of 'three sheets to the wind' we got up to 127. This morning at breakfast I was also offered the Glaswegian term 'shwallied' by James and Dave offered me the Cornish phrase 'he's got a bit of a lean on', which I like a lot. That brings us to 129, an impressive tally so far. Dave also offered 'bloggied' and 'frankled', but I think he was making them up... a steward's enquiry could be required.
James used to be in the army, and having mentioned the Glasgow word 'shwallied' he was reminded of some exercise years ago, when himself and a couple of other soldiers were climbing mountains somewhere in Cyprus, taking their water from camelbacks they were wearing. A 'camelback', in case you don't know, is a backpack which holds water. There's a tube from the pack which you clip on to a strap or something, so that you can suck the nozzle when you need a drink. At one point one of the soldiers, a Glaswegian, couldn't carry on, even though he had plenty of water, since he hadn't even the energy to suck it. Or as he put it, 'Ah have nae sook'.
Reminded me of my Masada experience. A couple of years ago I was in the Holy Land with Josh, a Canadian friend of mine (who I hope is reading this...), just a few weeks before the current intifada kicked off. While there we climbed Masada, the steep hill where in the first century AD the Jewish Zealots made their last stand against their Roman rulers and then committed mass suicide. Masada is very, very steep, and is at the Dead Sea, basically the hottest place in the world. As a result, whenever they get an urge to climb it, the Israeli army do so at about four in the morning, reckoning that it's too hot to do so at any other time. Josh and I, on the other hand, had a pretty tight schedule, and an even tighter budget. Having left Jordan the previous day and stayed overnight in Eilat, we stopped off at Masada on our way to Jerusalem. As a break. So we climbed Masada at noon.
This is not recommended behaviour. Kids, don't try this at home.
I drank a litre-and-a-half of water before even beginning the climb, and over the course of it managed to finish an entire Platypus ( A 'Platypus' is a cheapo camelback; mine carries a litre-and-a-half) and two bottles of water. All in all, I reckon I drank between five and five-and-a-half litres within an hour. And still I was wrecked at the top. I basically collapsed into the guardroom at the top of the Snake Path, and didn't move, as Josh dug out from his bag the horrible dried out pitta breads we'd bought the previous day and struggled to eat while on the bus from Eilat. They tasted fantastic. This is what exhaustion does to you. Two French girls who we'd passed on the way up eventually came in, with beetroot faces and just collapsed on the floor. We looked on with mild interest, and then concentrated on our food...
Once we'd energy to waste on words - I usually have, but this was an exception - I remarked that what would be ideal at that point was a Pepsi machine, just standing in the corner. We'd developed a great fondness for the drink a couple of days earlier, when we'd staggered out of Petra after a particularly gruelling day and made straight for a fast food van - nothing had ever tasted so refreshing...
Josh agreed, and then bizarreness began to set in. Maybe it was the heat. I don't know. Either way, we sketched out what we thought would be a brilliant marketing campaign for Pepsi.
Imagine.... A long shot of an Indiana Jones type archaeologist trekking all the way up Masada, finally arriving at one of the ancient world's most important sites. He reaches the top, and we get a close up on his face, filled with delight. He doesn't even pause to look around, but walks purposefully to... a Pepsi machine. He sticks in his coin, and out comes the can. Ice cold. Bejewelled with droplets of condensation. He picks it up, pulls back the lid, gulps it down, chucks the empty can in the bin, turns around, and sets off back down the hill. Who gives a shit about the ruins?
(Maybe he could keep the can as an artefact? Or maybe he wouldn't have change, and would have to go back empty-handed and deeply pissed off... who knows?)
You could use loads of similar sites. Hacking through the Cambodian jungles to get to Angkor would be good, as would anywhere in South America - Machu Picchu, which I can't spell, would be the obvious choice, but maybe Mayan ruins would be better. Opening shots could maybe feature him sitting in a seedy bar or market, talking to the locals in hushed tones about where 'It' is to be found, to be followed with the appropriate shot of the hero hacking through jungles, climbing mountains, whatever.... subtitles would add to the flavour as well....
Sadly, we lacked a Pepsi machine, and so had to go look at the ruins. Which were only mildly interesting. Cool to be there though.
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