Currying No Favours

Weird conversation on the bus yesterday. I was heading in towards University with my mate Marlisa, when a deeply strange conversation began on the seat behind us. I at first thought it was somebody telling his mate a story, with incredibly bad dialogue, while M thought it was some amateur drama thing.

I missed the opening of the conversation, and only noticed what was going on when when voices were raised.

'Shut up woman. Shut up woman. Shut up.'

'No. You shut up.'

'Shut up woman.'

'You shut up.'

'You can't take up both seats woman. You've only paid for one.'

'Shut up.'

'If you were a bloke I'd hit you.'

'Go on then. I'd like to see you try.'

'What would you do then? Would you call your pigs?'

The woman didn't reply, and the guy continued to berate her, calling her a pigshagger, which I found rather odd. At this point I still had no idea what they were fighting about, or what they looked like, but then the guy stood up and strode up the bus towards the driver. He was a fairly tall Indian, perhaps around thirty, with a black jacket, thick glasses, and hair which would be better described as a hairdon't than a hairdo. Think Sideshow Bob. I glanced over my shoulder to see his antagonist, a plump and bespectacled woman in her late sixties, at a guess, with short grey hair and a burberry scarf.

On reaching the driver's window the Indian guy announced 'Driver! There's a woman back here who's taking up two seats. She's only paid for one. She's taking up two seats!' The driver clearly didn't give a toss, especially since there were loads of free seats. Somebody offered yer man a seat but he declined, instead opting to go back and squeeze in next to the woman with whom he'd been squabbling.

Before he sat down he announced 'She says she doesn't like curry!' Somebody then leaned towards the woman and suggested 'Well, don't eat it, then.'

How weird was that? The woman was presumably some racist old bat, who on having an Indian sit next to her, felt a need to declare that she didn't like curry. Or perhaps I'm being too harsh. Perhaps she really had issues with curry, and told everybody she met of her problems... it just happened to be her bad luck that she chose an Indian as the person to whom she let off steam. Maybe she's been force-fed curry in her old folks home, and has been holding back for ages, but months or even years of curry hatred just erupted yesterday? Somehow, I think the first theory more likely, though.

Oxford Road bus drivers, while I'm at it, are a curious breed. Not a dangerous breed, mind. That term is generally reserved for wallabies in Rolf Harris songs. But I digress. Now and again you get the hyperactive, deleriously happy ones, who make announcements the whole way along the road, trying to brighten up people's lives, and usually just provoking irritation. There's actually a superior version of that breed back on my old bus route in Dublin, but again I digress. More often you get the Finglands drivers, who are brilliant. They lean out the windows smoking, give the fingers to other drivers and even the odd passenger, and have their mates come and hang out on the buses. One yesterday, I'm told, appeared to be stoned, and indeed the bus reeked of weed.

'Dat ist niet Amsterdam - This is Manchester' as the posters around Piccadilly Gardens used to say.

And to sign off with a crap joke:

Mein Hund hat keine Nase!

Wie riecht er?

Furchtbar!

PS - By the way, I see Ireland only managed a 0-0 draw with Greece last night. I have no idea how the match went, as I was at a long and rambling meeting, but presumably Frank's web site wcfan.com will soon have something to say about it.