16 January 2006

Steve Staunton's Catechism of Cliche

So, according to Steve Staunton, he's the boss.

In case you've not been paying attention, Stan is the new manager of the Irish football team, and will be apparently helped in this job by the infinitely more experienced Bobby Robson, whose job, we're told, will be that of International Football Consultant, whatever that is.

For all that, it seems, Stan is the boss. Or as he puts it himself, using that fine sixteenth century English term, 'the gaffer'.

It does rather worrying appear as though Stan speaks exclusively in cliches; were he still with us Flann O'Brien would have a field day, but with Ireland's funniest writer having long left this mortal realm, I'll have to take an inky stab at this myself.

A Managerial Catechism
In what activity does what you say engage?
It goes.
What stops with you?
The buck.
At what point in the day does the buck stop?
At the end of the day.

In what role will you use Bobby?
In whatever role I see fit.
Where is Bobby?
When is Bobby there?
All the time.
And what will you put into your coach?
My faith and trust.

What do you know you can do?
Is there anything else you know you can do, with, for example, your team?
Work together.
In what chambered muscular organ do you know this?
In my heart.
Why are you here?
To achieve success.
What is your aim?
To qualify for the European Championships and World Cups.
In what tautological way is this your aim?
First and foremost.

What would you like to do with new talent?
To blood it.
Where have you got new talent?
Coming through.
In what direction do you have to get the team?
What locomotive activity is it necessary that you have the team resume?
Running again.
Where do you have to get the fans?
Behind us.
Which of Pandora's gifts do you have to give them?
In what direction must you show them you are heading?
The right one.

Good luck, so.

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